Sunday, November 24, 2013

The Week In Review 11/17/13-11/23/13

Nothing super exciting over the past week.  The kids are finally all in bed and getting ready for the fun and festive week.  They are looking forward to Thanksgiving, I thinkk, and spending time with family and friends.  Madison is super excited about only having school 2 days this week.  I actually think that she was secretly hoping that I would tell her that she didn't have to go to school, but nope-- THAT IS WISHFUL THINKING!!

My car has still been giving us some problems, but now that the check engine light has come on, I am hopinh to eventually take it somewhere and get some diagnostic tests done.  Just gotta work that into our already tight budget. Work has been incredibly stressful, but I am determined to just take it day by day and try to stay positive!

I had been attending physical therapy for my back as a preliminary step to the surgery that is probablygoign to occur, but last week I did not attend any of my sessions.  I have cancelled them due to finances and the co pay that is due evry visit.  I am just going to try and do the exercises that I have learned so far and do those until the time is better for me to go back to start the therapy yet again.  Thank goodness my Primary Care doctor understood and was on board with my decision.

Madison just kept busy with dance and school.  Her and I had several little arguments learning oppurtunities with one another due to some things that we disagree on.  I lost my cool one time during an argument, and I hope Madion will look back on these moments I realize that I only get on her, because I love her and just want her to always be her best.  I also hope that I will learn that screaming at her is probably only going to push her away instead of draw her nearer as I would like!!  13

Myles and Mayci---wow---they are like 2 peas in a pod.  I have been noticing more and more that Mayci does EVERYTHING that Myles does, but this week, it was even more noticeable. They are so funny together.  Everytime Myles speaks, Mayci is his little parrot and repeats him. I def have to catch some of the two of them interacting on film.  I'm still trying to get beter at the whole picture taking and video taker!  I really like how close they are, I pray that they stay like this for ever.

Damian was SUPER BUSY this week.  He had gigs, reharsals, studio time, recordings, meetings and much more!  I think he likes be ing busy, and I know that being busy means that he is getting his cd together, and working and gigs mean he is making money, and meetings, means he is getting exposure, but sometimes I wish he just had one day where he had nothing planned an d that we could all just stay home for the whole day as a family and do nothing but lay in the couch, eat junk, and watch movies together.

This upcoming week is Thanksgiving, so it will be a fun week for us.  Damian and I work MOn-Wednesday, and I am hoping that he has Friday off, but I forgot to ask him.  I hope to do some shopping on Friday.  Maybe not the wee hours of themorning as I had originally planned, but I am going to get some shopping in.  Then we will be putting out Christmas trees up and getting the house ready for the next holiday.... OOOOOHHHHHH---- I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

31 goals

As my 31st year of life is drawing near, I have made a decision to create a sort of New Years Resolution laundry list of goals for myself.  I had tried to stop creating New Years Resolutions several years ago because I  felt like I was just setting myself for failure.  What better way to feel unaccomplished than to hold yourself accountable for a list of unattainable goals, just to complete...NOT EVEN ONE of them.

But this age, age 31, will be different for me.  I will NOT set myself up for failure.  I will merely put together things that I want to do.  If I accomplish them---awesome, if not---next years list will just be a repeat of any goals not checked.  I mean, I have to hold myself to more sort of standard.  I can't always hide under excuses and come up with ridiculous reasons for why I am NOT to living my life to the fullest and doing what I am truly happy with.  

I will list my *31* goals but please know that some of them are far fetched, some of them are vain and related to beauty, some are deep, many are superficial...BUT they are mine all the same.  And there are also NOT 31...  I figured that would be a little crazy, since some of these goals are already a bit extreme... I have to be a little realistic.

So here are some of my goals:

- Lose 30 pounds
-Complete the Couch to 5K training app
-Workout/ Exercise at least 5 days a week
-Run 2 5K's
-Run a total of 200 miles
-Start weight watchers again and stick with it until you are a Lifetime member-- (I signed up on 11/22/13)
-maintain a consistent Constant Work in Progress blog
-Get beauty/self improvement YouTube channel ( Makeup of Michelle) up and running
-Start Beauty Blog (Makeup Of Michelle and be consistent with that also
-go on a getaway with just Damian for at least 4 days
-take the kids on 1 family vacation
-maintain a decent savings account at a credit union
-pay every bill ON TIME.... no late fees this year!
-have nail polish on at least 5 days each week
-Attend church again
-Cook meals at least 4 days a week-- no more excuses that because you Renato home a lot, you can't have home cooked meals
-tell Madison, Myles, Mayci, and Damian that I love them everyday- (don't judge me, but I honestly DO NOT tell them everyday
-write in my journal more
-Complain yes
-Attend more of Damian's gigs
-be more aware of the language I use
- Read 75 books
-Work on time management

Whheeewwwwww.......seems like alot when I look at everything.  Each of these goals are very important to me and I know that as I get closer to complete them, it will only make me a better person.....And I could definitely use that!  I have this exact list on my phone so that no matter where I am, I can look at it and be reminded of what I am working towards!!


Sunday, November 10, 2013

The perfectly "un-perfect" parent


This has been a topic on my brain for quite some time now.  This whole being a mother of a 10 year old is driving me crazy stressing me out just a little bit more than I would like to admit.  I was thinking that some of the issues I have wouldn't appear for at least another 3 years or so, but NOPE--- guess God must have see some incredible strength hidden in my soul because He sure is throwing a lot my way :).  Being a 10 year old girl (or really any age boy or girl) in 2013 has got to be a pretty rough thing.  You have all of the social medias, cable, friends, family, and the many other things that cause distractions and confusions.  And so because of all of these tings that have been on mind, I decided to write about how I feel about parenting!!!!

With that being said,  I want my home to be the safe haven from any insecurities.  But I do still think that there should be discipline and rules...I'd say order also, but if you saw the state of my house at any given time, then....nope, not usually.  I don't want to be my kids friends. And when I say that, I know a lot of people think that is mean and cruel, but I'm just trying to be honest.  I think sometimes trying to be your child's friend creates confusion as to who is in charge and who should be making the rules.

I do want my children to be able to talk to me...but I want them to be aware that I may get angry and I may punish them because of things that do.  But instead of being afraid to tell me things because they may be in trouble, I want them to become people that are able to live with their consequences and know that EVERY decision they make does have a consequence, whether good or bad. I know many people that know me, describe me as the MEAN and STRICT parent.  Those titles have bothered me up until recently. Just a week or so ago I realized that I take pride in being "strict" and "mean" I don't want my kids to necessarily be scared of me, but don't think there is anything wrong with a healthy fear that any and everything they do I will now about and will have an opinion about.  I know when I was younger, knowing that my mom may not approve of something actually made me NOT do certain things.  I think punishment is healthy.  As an adult, I have consequences to my actions, so why shouldn't children begin to understand that lesson early on in life.  I also have to admit that I have an extremely short temper. I yell and scream, which is not always right, but it is what it is.  I probably yell more than fact I know that I do.

I'm working on that whole yelling and screaming thing, but it's going to take a while.  It's just part of who I am.  Everyone' spare ting style is different and I think we should respect one another in whatever parenting style we choose.  I have been super guilty of judging moms or even judging myself on how I parent.  I seem to think that almost everyone is a better parent than me, and to be quite honest--- they probably are.  It seems like so many moms are just way more patient than me and never yell at my kids.  I like to tell myself that these parents are just afraid of being parents when other people are around.  I will yell at my children in public.  I don't believe in disciplining them later when they have forgotten the thing that they did to even get in trouble. Madison can testify to that!!!  I also think that sometimes I expect a little bit more from my kids than others do from their kids. For example, I DO NOT allow my children to respond to me by saying, "what?"  I wasn't allow to respond to my parents in that way, and I guess it is just instilled in me.  I am a huge believer in respect.  I don't care if I have told my children something that makes them upset.  I demand respect from them and demand that they are respectful to others, children, friends, moms, adults, EVERYONE.  I think that children need to learn to respect everyone regardless of how someone treats them.  I think it is part of surviving in today's world.

We do not have cable in our home.  I think some people thought that was because we did not want to expose our children to certain things on TV.  I wish that I could say that WAS the reason.  but nope..... Whether it be on a TV in our home, a conversation with a friend, someone else's TV, in a classroom, on the school bus, overhearing a conversation between Damian and I, the computer, YouTube, dance class...they are probably hearing and learning these things anyway.  In fact, in the back of my car I heard a friend explain to Madison what being gay/lesbian was.  I don't remember what I felt at that moment, because I tend to hold in my feelings, but I was probably more grateful that it was one less thing that I would have to explain.  And at least I got to hear the explanation given.  And please don't take that the wrong way, if I had felt that the information being given was incorrect or if the other child had began to give her opinion, then I would have interjected.  My children are allowed to have a voice and opinion about things, but would like them to form their own opinions from true knowledge rather than the influencing from friends or the like.  Madison does own a tablet, Myles does watch some violent cartoons, and all of my children have probably seen inappropriate things over my shoulder as I giggle at YouTube video sandwich crazy movies.  My only expectation is that my children learn that it is not their job to teach their friends about the world and the things in it.  Leave that for their friends parents or other friends.

I struggle with parenting.  The whole balancing love, discipline,safety is sometimes too much for me.  Parenting just isn't easy for me.  I actually want to admit something which may even make people look at me different, but I don't it goes.... I didn't always want to be a mom.  I was never one of those girls that was looking forward to getting married and having a decent sized family with kids running around.  I wanted to be a business women in the criminal justice field living on my own in New York. City.....needless to say, things have definitely taken a different course in my life.  I love each of my kids dearly, but would be lying if I said that I have never imagined life without them.  I have, and while sometimes I think of the things that I am not able to do, I am super grateful for each of my kids and the various things they have taught me along the way.  But I will say, sometimes I roll my eyes, in my head of course, when I hear moms constantly talk about how perfect their kids are and how their kids are a dream come true, and blah, blah, blah.  I am human and I have had moments where I have just wanted to walk away from being a parent. I do suffer from depression and sometimes in my lowest low, I want to just escape and run away.  I never have and probably never will, but sometimes parenting overwhelms me.  

And now that you have read that last paragraph, please don't think that I do not love my children.  I love them with all that I have.  I learn from them daily, and work to be the an example to them. I don't expect them to think that I a the worlds best mom but I do hope they understand that I want the best for them always and will be there for them every time they fall even if it is to pick them up and then explain to them, harshly if necessary, why they may have fallen. :)

So in the end of my all over the place blog post, I have managed to find the one thing that imperfect at.........being the worlds most IMPERFECT parent!  Now all you perfect parents out there can begin pointing your fingers and criticizing me! And that's okay...the more comfortable I am with talking about the raw truth of how I feel about being a parent, the more I think I can handle it.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Plans plans, plans

Wow... Can you believe it is November already? It's crazy how fast time really goes. Ive been realizing it mor and more lately.  But as always, the beginning of the month is always the most exciting for me.  It makes me feel like I have a clean slate to start with.  I have a lot planned for this month.  

I have decided to host Thanksgiving at my house this year.. Well, it's only going to be me, Damian, the kids, my older sister Lisa, my mom and dad, and hopefully my little sister Amanda and her boyfriend, Will.  I would have loved to invite my in laws and some of the Curtis/Rodriguez clan, but #1 I don't know if our little house could accommodate everyone and #2 my in laws always host a rather large Thanksgiving day party type thing at their house, so I would not want to intrude on that in anyway.  I am just really trying to come up with some of our own little traditions within our immediate family.  With that being said, I hope it doesn't come off that I do not want to go to my in laws, because we will definitely be joining them in the later part of the day.  The kids will want to see everyone and Damian and his brothers and cousins have a tradition of going to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas night.

I am also hoping to truly come up with a blogging schedule.  I don't want blogging to feel like a job, but I would really like it to be consistent as I want to use these blogs as away to look back at our family and the little things that consumed our every day lives.

YouTube has been interesting me very much lately.  I started getting into to beauty videos, and family blogs towards the middle of 2012..and it has just gotten worse, hahaha! I already have a YouTube channel that I use for videos of the kids and such.  But I have created another one called, MakeupofMichelle.  I have hopes of using this YouTube account for not only makeup and beauty things, but to chronicle my journey in life and all the things that "makeup" who I am.  As I get closer to getting something posted on that channel, I will be sure to get everyone posted...just don't be expecting anything super fancy..we all know that is not who I am.  

Now for my usual updates.  Since school has started, things are slowly picking up around here.  Unfortunately car trouble has been a constant in our world.  The van needs several thousand dollars worth of work, and the car..well...that is a whole other story.  We are slowly getting that thing back together.  With that being said, I have learned how to use the city bus.  Not nearly as hard s I could have imagined.

Mayci has transitioned from her crib to a toddler bed..she seems to be doing okay with that so far.  She is still quite the talker and has a very strong personality.  We haven't really focused on potty training yet, but I see that in the near future.  I think that one we get serious about it, she will learn quite quickly, or at least I hope so.

Madison is still dancing, of course.  She has been taking some extra classes since dance started in September, but because of the 2 weekdays off that she gets, itoesnt seem like she is there quite as much as she really is.  She is competing again and is working on 2 solos this year.  Wow..I just don't know how she manages to fit it all in and stay focused. But so far, so good.  She is in the 5th grade, has a male teacher, and has signed up for the leadership and movement team.  She still seems to be loving school quite a bit...BUT she is becoming a challenge for me in other areas that I may address In a future post.

Myles, what a kid.  He is still home during the day with Damiann the morning and then Abby in the afternoon as is. Mayci.  I am hoping to place him in a preschool setting by the beginning of 2014 so he can get some of that exposure to other kids and some of the basic rules of school down.  He has been attending church on Sundays and Wednesday with Abby over the past 3 weeks...and LOvES it.  he missed today due to being under the weather and was extremely bummed about it.  I am thinking that maybe it is time for me to return to church and begin taking the kids with me.  As a mother who claims to be a Christian, I should not be leaving the duty of getting my kids to church to my mother in law, not that she minds at all.  Myles did not restart dance this year, but is starting basketball this upcoming weekend.  He is super excited and Madison has made it her job to, train, him.  

My goal in the near future is to get both Madison and Myles into piano lessons..just have to reach out to the teacher and make sure the funds are available.  hopefully something will happen soon.

As for Damian and I, weare just trying to increase the success of our marriage all while balancing everyone's schedule.  We have been doing pretty well, and have been truly working as a team!
  I hope all is well in everyone else's world.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Myles and Mayci JAMMING

Here is a little snippet if Myles and Mayci's jam session this past Saturday at Luques & Karina's engagement party

Monday, July 15, 2013

Week of July 7-July 13 2013

This week has just been dragging for me so much.  It started out like such a good week at first, but now I am just extra ready for the weekend.  (i know--- could I sound any more pitiful!!)  Myles is still suffering from stomachaches and discomfort and every time that kicks in, boy is he miserable.  Only good thing is that it last for a little while and then goes away until next time.  But because it has been two weeks, this warranted him a trip to see the doctor, well the emergency room in fact.  Damian and Madison went to the ER with Myles and I took Mayci home to put her to bed...and for all you judgemental mama's out there..nope- I didn't go..I don't like any stomach related illnesses and well, lets be honest ..I have never claimed to be the worlds best mom!  Anyway..nothing serious per doctor..just a little "backed up" and filled with air and well, other things.

Damian has been picking up extra hours at the store, so Anastoria has been coming to the house twice a week to help with babysitting.  The kids love it.  And Anastoria is such a Godsend. She wakes up extremely early just to catch the bus to our house and doesn't even act like it is a problem! We love her, and I hope Madison is paying extra attention, because in just a opulent short years she will be on babysitter duty!

This weekend (it's Sunday, July 14,2013) was awesome.  On Friday, all the kids were luck enough to have the opportunity to attend Damian's cousin, magda's wedding.  It was on a beach so before the ceremony, the kids had time to play in the sand.  Damian and I weren't able to go due to work, but when Madison and Mayci got home late Friday night(Myles of course stayed with Mama and Popup) they were already tired if not asleep.  Saturday was a busy day.  Damian had to work in the morning and had a gig at night so we didn't see each other except for first thing in the morning and then right before I went to bed around 1030p. But...that happens sometimes and while I never enjoy days like that, I am tried hard to not let it ruin my day.  We had Aaliyah's birthday party in Waterford and because Myles was still feeling blah, it turned out to be a girls only trip.  The party was at a bowling alley, and I was so happy that Madison was able spend some time with her cousins and that they evens had bowling shoes that fit Mayci! Plus, this particular family..Damian's uncle Greg, Aunt Robin, cousins Jazmyn, her husband Kike and their kids, Ambeur and her daughter Aaliyah(the birthday girl), and Isaiah(who was unable to attend the party) and his wife Tianne and their boys... Is always EXTRA good to my kids and even made sure that Madison had her cheese free pizza to eat!  Always so thoughtful.  It was so nice to see the family especially since we don't see them as often as we probably should :). We ended the day at Luques and Karina's engagement party. What a nice party.  So many family and friends came out to celebrate such a great couple!!! It was so good to see everyone and spend a little time just relaxing and talking with people even though I cut the night short for myself because of the heat and mosquitos.  I will admit that since I am such a homebody, I miss out on a lot of events like this, but I am really trying to get better.  I am so happy for both Luques and Karina and hope that has time goes on, I will get better at reaching out and spending time with people so that I can really get to know Karina. She seems absolutely amazing, we get along, and my kids ADORE fact Madison is so excited to call her Aunt Karina...but because I tend to stay home during a lot of events and differ occasions, I have missed out on getting to know her anymore. I did talk with her this weekend and I hope to plan something when I can head out to NYC and we can get together to just hand out for a girls day!!

Today I am home relaxing, catching up on my YouTube subscriptions, and making sure the house is in order. Next week Madison leaves for her 5 day trip to NYC and Damian and I are hoping to get out there on until then...........
Mr Myles after he got comfy in the ER bed/cot
Check out those awesome bowling shoes
The couple of honor cutting their cake...
Iron Man performing for his uncle Luques and Aunt Karina at their engagement party!
Madison getting ready to show off her bowling skills

Monday, July 8, 2013

Week of June 30-July 6

Been a pretty good week.  I mean, good in the sense that I think the kids had a good weekend.  Madison seemed to enjoy her first full week off of school and I KNOW that Myles and Mayci LOVE having her home!

Monday after work, Ted and Abby asked to keep the kids for a little longer to hand out and go out to dinner.  I have several things around the house that I wanted to work on, so of course I agreed. After coming home, it seemed as though Myles had gotten sick at Friendly's and thrown up.  The jury is till out as to whether or not he was a little sick to his stomach or he choked, but now this little boy is PARANOID!  We have been struggling since then to get him to eat a full meal, because he is so afraid of "spitting up." Let me assure you..I tried to be patient with him for several days, but today I blew up at him because I was just so frustrated with him.  I may have made matters worse because then he broke down entirely and got very upset with me.  I feel very bad, and will tell him that when he has calmed down, but uuugghhh, I just don't think I have much in the patiene department and I am not ashamed to admit it.

The rest of the week has pretty much consisted of me trying to clean out bedrooms and get this house in some kind of order so that I can come up with a schedule to help me maintain it better.  That's going okay, but I don't get nearly as much done in a day as I would like..I would like to attribute that to the fact that our house is unbearably hot with no AC and a few ceiling fans that just move around the hot air- but in reality, I think I am incredibly lazy.  But slowly, I am determined to get it all done.  Mayci is having a birthday party in 3 weeks so I would really like to get the house presentable by then :)

Madison started back with dance this week.  Looks like she is taking about 10 classes, spending 4 hours at dance twice a week and then 2 hours on another day. It doesn't seem to bother her, so I will continue to let her do so.

Myles and Damian showed up at Myles' soccer practice this past Tuesday, but unfortunately his coach has been ill so no practice yet again.  The kids have been filling in the gaps this week by spending time outside, at the park, and at the town pool.  hey are covered in mosquito bites, getting some color, and pretty exhausted by the end of the I'm thinking that summer is going as planned.

This upcoming week consists of work, the pool, more park visits I am sure, birthday parties, and my brother in law Luques and his fiancé Karina's engagement party will end the week on Saturday.
Mayci relaxing at Alyce's 3rd birthday was so hot outside!!
Madison playing "teacher" to her "students" Myles and Mayci...believe it or not--those little ones really enjoy sitting still and "learning"
This is how Mayci was enjoying her lunch and watching LeapFrog....What a worryfree life...

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Live action

Nothing super exciting to I ever post anything exciting?!?!?

Just a few videos of the kids just sort of ......."doing what they do"

Monday, July 1, 2013

MIA no more!!!!!!!!

Just a glimpse of our faces since we have been gone for so long :)

4 MONTHS?!?!?!

I cannot believe that I allowed for 4 months to go by before even sitting down and truly taking the time to write in this darn blog.  Didn't I tell myself that the main reason for the blog was so that I could maintain steady up to date pictures of the kids, allow for myself to have "blog book" yearly to be able to look back on, and to a have an "outlet" to release some of my not so hidden feeling....

Okay, okay--I am not going to beat mysel fup for it.  I am not going to even try to catch up on the last 4 months...I have to focus on the here and now.  So I will just recap the month of June with maybe a few tidbits for the prior 3...hahaha!

March, April, and May kept the entire family busy with dance competitions for Madison, Myles 4th birthday( no party..we kept it simple this time around) , Mayci's many milestones of incorporating new words into her vocabulary, gaining some more teeth, and looking forward to her second birthday party.

Competition for Madison was extra exciting this year for her.  She was not only competing in groups but had a lyrical solo number as well.  She did quite well and managed to get into the top overalls for 2 out of 3 competitions and we are so proud of her.

Myles turned 4 on April 27th and is such a big boy.  Damian and I didn't host a party for him, finances and time were jut not on our side at this point, but Ted and Abby had a small gathering at their home for him. Such a nice time to be together with friends and family for happy occasions

Mayci has just been growing, learning, and exploring overs these past 3 months.  She speaks more and more each day and has us laughing quite a bit with her many facial expressions and silly ways.  She will be having a birthday party to celebrate her 2nd birthday at the end of June and I don't think she even realizes...even though I have been trying to teach her to show 2 fingers and tell people how old she is.

June always seems like such a short and busy month for this family,  Damian celebrated his 35th birthday, Madison celebrated her 10th.  Can't believe that I am even old enough to have a ten year old! School for Madison didn't even get out until the 24th, thanks to all of the snow days in the earlier months of winter.  Madison and Myles had their recital and oh goodness...I was so nervous about Myles but he did much better than I though.  I signed up for an adults hip hop class this year and we also danced in the recital.  Not my finest moment but I enjoyed myself all the same.

As we enter into July, we have a lot of things to look forward to.  Myles is playing soccer once a
week and is really enjoying it. They missed one week due to his coach being ill but he has asked ,e several times when he is going back.  Mayci is turning 2 on the 27th of this month and she will be having a Dora themed birthday party (ummmmmm--- I should probably start planning that and send out my invitations).

Madison starts dance back up after 3 weeks off.......that's bittersweet though- I
love to see her dance and know how much she enjoys it, but I would be lying if I said I didn't really enjoy not having to bring her back and forth.  Madison will also be attending the Tremaine dance workshop thing in NYC that she attended last year toward the end of the month.  Seems like the busyness never stops..

Monday, February 25, 2013


Took this past Friday off to enjoy at least one day home with the kids during Madison's week long break(not to mention the fact that the darn family was suffering from stomach bugs, whooping coughs, and fevers).

Since Myles woke up still very feverish and having trouble catching his breath during his coughing fits, I decided to keep everyone hone to relax after Damian left for work.  My original plan had been to bring the kids to the science center with Lisa, so she came over and hung out with us instead.

In the midst of our boredom we attempted to make our own rendition of the Harlem Shake videos that have been floating around YouTube.  We cut the video too short, so its only about 30 seconds but  I guarantee it will have you giggling quite a bit.....

Please excuse the messiness in the background and Mayci's pee covered pants...I promise I changed them as soon as I stopped recording......

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Storm Nemo/ Charlotte 2013

FRIDAY FEB 8-10 glad that's over....even though it definitely could have been worse!  We were all home and safe and sound on Friday by about 1p...I was the only lucky one who got to go to work on Friday, and I went in a little early(6:30a) to ensure that by leaving early I would not lose out on too much of my earned vacation/personal time.  I like to use that time for things that I plan for, not because I have to.

 Madison, always the planner, had been in emergency storm preparation mode all day.  She had gone around the house looking for flashlights, glow sticks for her and Myles, candles, and batteries.  She even set up an area in the playroom with each of their favorite blankets, snacks, extra glow sticks....just in case. I was at work Friday morning so she sent em pictures of her work.

She started getting a little upset when it became clear that we were not going to be losing power, but was also enjoying the fact that she could keep her tablet charged without having to worry about how much battery power she was using.  Mayci and Myles, well they didn't even have a clue!!

Saturday morning was quite exciting for everyone when we opened the front door only to see that we were stuck in the house.  Being a little claustrophobic, my heart was pounding as I walked to the back door to make sure we had an escape route!  Damian wanted to get everything done nice and early so he went out to get started on the porch, walkway, and driveway...... more power to him.  I have to admit, while feeling quite a bit ashamed, I did not help very much at all....BUT-- I did make sure that he had a fresh pair of dry clothes and hot chocolate waiting for him when he was ready to take a break.
Do you see that little red speck on the right side of the picture in the middle of the snow?  Yup, that's the passenger side mirror of my car...took a while for us to get to the rest of it!! :)

I spent Saturday and Sunday scolding kids every once in a while and watching LOCK UP on Netflix (one of my guilty pleasures).  By the end of the day on Sunday I was already dreading getting up bright and early to go into work.....but money is tight as always, so I guess I should just be grateful that my job was open so I was going to be able to get paid and not use any of my vacation or personal time.

Broken, fearful, and seeking inspiration PART 1(WARNING:NO FAMILY UPDATES/PICS)

These past few weeks have been quite interesting.  I have probably spent a good part of it deep in thought. Much needed thought, mind you!
I am afraid...I am full of fear! I mean, I know most people have those select things that they are afraid of, but I have so many things, I cannot even narrow them down.  I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of change, I fear the unknown, I fear judgement, I fear loneliness while fearing a crowd at the same time.  Fear has seemed to consume many parts of my life, my day, my thoughts.


My original plan for this blog was to just document the ins and outs of the kids lives..but you know what? I need somewhere to document some of my feelings also.  And what better way to conquer some of my fears but to use this blog as a personal journal also.  I will no longer fear negative feedback.  I will no longer allow myself to hold back with fear of someone viewing me differently.

Some things have been bothering me for a long time.  Things that I should not be holding in.  I truly believe that if you feel someone has hurt you, it is healthy to explain to them your feelings.  I, however, very rarely do this.  Unless of course it's my husband who has hurt me...I seem to have no problem lashing out on him at any given moment.  In fact, since I am trying to be completely honest here, he sometimes gets yelled at even if it is someone else that hurt me.  Hey--I have never claimed to be perfect.

I am afraid of starting trouble...because trouble begets more trouble begets more trouble.  And I also tend to be quite the hot head.  When I do allow something to get me completely worked up to the point where I cannot hold it in anymore, I EXPLODE! This is never a good thing and I am more aware of it now than ever.  Just a few days ago, I exploded and lets just say, well...there were dishes on the floor and a broken cup.  This is so not the way in which I want my children to see me or remember me as they get older.

It's this realization that has really had me searching for an outlet if you will.  I have been actively searching for this outlet to be to find something that I enjoy doing.  Do it yourself projects, crafting, writing this blog, writing in a journal, just finding something that is just for me.  But here comes that fear again.  The fear of change that tends to hold me back from much of what I envision myself to be.  I have just told myself that for the year 2013 I am going to make it my goal to find this outlet.  I am going to use Damian, Madison, Myles, and Mayci as my inspiration, as well as my faith in God.  I want to make these changes not only for MY happiness and My sanity, but for my family.  I want to be the mom that my children remember as happy, kind, considerate and I want to be the wife that my husband can describe as loving, supportive, beautiful, confident, nurturing.

I spend a lot of time comparing myself to other people.....what a way to make yourself feel like you are not good enough!!  I have always struggled with this, I mean, even back in middle and high school.  But I notice it being more detrimental to my self esteem now that I am both a wife and a mother.  I find myself noticing all the good qualities in other wives and mothers, but never finding the good in myself.  That wife always seems to greet her husband with a smile, that mom's children always look picture perfect.  And I take these thoughts and use them as the main ingredient to my self pity recipe that soon begins to cook.  I cannot do this anymore.  Why would I even want to be like anyone else?  Okay, so maybe I should greet my husband with a smile, but why on earth would I want my children to look picture perfect?  I want them to play, live life, get dirty, smell like the outdoors(well, when it's appropriate), to just HAVE FUN!!  And I want to begin to take time out to have some of that fun with them....

At this point, I am feeling broken, fearful, and seeking inspiration....Nothing left to do but to turn these feelings around and start fresh!!

So I am naming this as DAY 1 to my FORGET THAT FEAR and LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!  I hope you will be   a cheerleader for me in my journey!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Breakin it down.....

I am working on several posts right which is taking a little more time than I had before I post that one, I figured I would post this cute video of Myles and Mayci dancing.  They are dancing to a song called is actually Madison;s solo song this year and the little ones were inspired while watching her and decided to do their own version......

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Myles love

So everyone knows my stories about Myles and his costumes.  As those close to me know,I have limited alot of his costume wearing when he is with me.  So today when I was picking him up from Abby's house...explained to me a his solution.  He has been slowly bringing his costmues to Mama's house and keeping them there in a laundry basket.  Here was our conversation:

Myles:  I love you so much Mommy

Me: Oh, I love you too (i dont hear i love you that much from this little kid, so i was super surprised)

Myles: Well I love you so I bring my costumes to Mama's house so I can wear them here since all I actually care about is love....serious..I'm so serious.  I care about love and costumes and I love you Mommy.


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Wait, huh, ....January is GONE?!?!?!

Still not alot of pictures from the past month.  I have really been struggling with trying to remember and be consistent with picture taking.  I forget sometimes that the pictures will last WAY longer than my memories. You would think it would be easier with Instagram, FB, iPads, iPods, digital cameras, and smart phones....but I still don't capture some of the most precious moments....definitely a goal for the rest of 2013.

I am proud to say that we have been REALLY conscious about attending church as a family every week.Myles and Madison have even both came to me saying how much they enjoy going to church...Madison said ESPECIALLY AS A FAMILY!!    We have missed a couple,  but rather than beat myself up over it, I acknowledge the effort and am confident that God knows where my heart stands with him.  Another goal that I am trying to focus on is my prayer time with God.  I have always believed in the power of prayer but am also aware that in order for it to be must do it.  I rededicated my life to the Lord earlier in January during our revival week and felt an immediate sense of change in my personal being.  With that said...I am not claiming to be perfect.  If you are reading this blog, then you are more than aware of many of flaws.  IN fact...I will be making a list of them soon in the  next post and writing what my goals are to fix some of them.

PS--I attempted a January daily photo challenge on Instagram...what an EPIC FAIL..hahahahaha...

But lets see.....the kids had a pretty mild January.....while looking back to the last month, I am trying to pin point some obvious milestones or exciting events--(ummm...hello Michelle--if you wrote more regularly, you wouldn't even have to look back to remember...that's one of the main points to a blog)

Mayci at 18 months seems to be learning new things every day.  She is definitely becoming quite the little master at getting her point across.  She has been trying to form new words on almost a daily basis.  Some of her most popular are: NO, daddy, mama(that would be for Grandma Abby), mommy(yay! that's me), hurt, ow, bye bye, hi, hello, Dora(think the explorer), Barney, movie, wa-her(water), baby, more, cookie, pizza, eat.......and the list is quickly growing.  She is Myles' little shadow, and that has become quite the entertainment in the house recently.

Myles is excitedly looking forward to turning 4 in April.  We have been talking more and more about school with him lately.  I am hoping to enroll him in preschool for September.  I have filled out an application to have him put in the lottery for a couple of Greater Hartford Magnet Schools...hopefully good news will come from that!  He his still Spiderman about 80% of the time, but still branches out on occasion to the Hulk, Batman, Doc Oc, and a number of made up superheros on any given day.  He was even "whiteman"(( pls don't think my son is racist..keep reading, you will understand)..which I think was his idea of Ghost man since he covered himself completely in powder...  And on days that he is not wearing his costume(normally when he is out with me) he likes to go by Peter Parker still and will begin to address me as Aunt May instead of Mommy.  I, like a fool, play along and almost always answer him.  At least he is talking to me, right??

Madison is in full dance mode right now.  Competition is starting in March and she has been working extremely hard on her 1st ever solo in addition to the 2 other competition dances and lessons she is taking.  She has quite the tight knit group of friends...a group of girls from dance and a couple from school, so we have started to get involved in some of the little kid drama.....this has been a little scary for me though.  I have had to speak with her about the importance of being empathetic to ALL of her friends feelings when in a large group and making an effort to include everyone.  The age of 9 has already brought us lots of surprises as far as friends and some of the ridiculous  interesting "learning opportunities" we have experienced from a variety of conflicts.  But I am doing the  best to help her find the positive in all of these situations.  I also am thinking that the terrifying inevitable puberty is right around the corner....some of her closest friends have already had "the talk" from their parents because they have come home with questions about things being heard on bus rides and at school...  I have not been confident enough to have "the talk" with her yet, but I am hoping to get prepared and do so in the most innocent, informative, truthful, and age appropriate way possible...ummmmmmmm dear You think You could

With the new year underway, Damian is hoping to really focus on his music more.  Not so much the gigs, and rehearsals...but more his personal love..Hip Hop and producing.  If I remember correctly he is working on his 2nd CD right now .... needless to say this will mean lots of time spent in the studio, and lots of floors vibrating while he has music on full blast in the basement while making beats-- oh the joy  of marrying a musician.

My hope is to finally get this house in order.  We have lived here for 1 yr and 5 months and I have many projects that I would like to work on and tons of ideas for this place.  While I want my home to always be inviting and lived in, I always want there to be a sense of style and classiness also.  The latter two of which I am lacking.  And if lived in is the nice word for messy...WOOOHOOOOO  there is something I have already accomplished.......

Here's to hoping for a little more consistency in blogging from here on out.....

Mr Myles in action during tap

Sideways pic of Mayci and her BFF it wrong to force a BFF on you

My current ALL TIME FAV pic of Miss Madison