Sunday, November 24, 2013

The Week In Review 11/17/13-11/23/13

Nothing super exciting over the past week.  The kids are finally all in bed and getting ready for the fun and festive week.  They are looking forward to Thanksgiving, I thinkk, and spending time with family and friends.  Madison is super excited about only having school 2 days this week.  I actually think that she was secretly hoping that I would tell her that she didn't have to go to school, but nope-- THAT IS WISHFUL THINKING!!

My car has still been giving us some problems, but now that the check engine light has come on, I am hopinh to eventually take it somewhere and get some diagnostic tests done.  Just gotta work that into our already tight budget. Work has been incredibly stressful, but I am determined to just take it day by day and try to stay positive!

I had been attending physical therapy for my back as a preliminary step to the surgery that is probablygoign to occur, but last week I did not attend any of my sessions.  I have cancelled them due to finances and the co pay that is due evry visit.  I am just going to try and do the exercises that I have learned so far and do those until the time is better for me to go back to start the therapy yet again.  Thank goodness my Primary Care doctor understood and was on board with my decision.

Madison just kept busy with dance and school.  Her and I had several little arguments learning oppurtunities with one another due to some things that we disagree on.  I lost my cool one time during an argument, and I hope Madion will look back on these moments I realize that I only get on her, because I love her and just want her to always be her best.  I also hope that I will learn that screaming at her is probably only going to push her away instead of draw her nearer as I would like!!  13

Myles and Mayci---wow---they are like 2 peas in a pod.  I have been noticing more and more that Mayci does EVERYTHING that Myles does, but this week, it was even more noticeable. They are so funny together.  Everytime Myles speaks, Mayci is his little parrot and repeats him. I def have to catch some of the two of them interacting on film.  I'm still trying to get beter at the whole picture taking and video taker!  I really like how close they are, I pray that they stay like this for ever.

Damian was SUPER BUSY this week.  He had gigs, reharsals, studio time, recordings, meetings and much more!  I think he likes be ing busy, and I know that being busy means that he is getting his cd together, and working and gigs mean he is making money, and meetings, means he is getting exposure, but sometimes I wish he just had one day where he had nothing planned an d that we could all just stay home for the whole day as a family and do nothing but lay in the couch, eat junk, and watch movies together.

This upcoming week is Thanksgiving, so it will be a fun week for us.  Damian and I work MOn-Wednesday, and I am hoping that he has Friday off, but I forgot to ask him.  I hope to do some shopping on Friday.  Maybe not the wee hours of themorning as I had originally planned, but I am going to get some shopping in.  Then we will be putting out Christmas trees up and getting the house ready for the next holiday.... OOOOOHHHHHH---- I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

31 goals

As my 31st year of life is drawing near, I have made a decision to create a sort of New Years Resolution laundry list of goals for myself.  I had tried to stop creating New Years Resolutions several years ago because I  felt like I was just setting myself for failure.  What better way to feel unaccomplished than to hold yourself accountable for a list of unattainable goals, just to complete...NOT EVEN ONE of them.

But this age, age 31, will be different for me.  I will NOT set myself up for failure.  I will merely put together things that I want to do.  If I accomplish them---awesome, if not---next years list will just be a repeat of any goals not checked.  I mean, I have to hold myself to more sort of standard.  I can't always hide under excuses and come up with ridiculous reasons for why I am NOT to living my life to the fullest and doing what I am truly happy with.  

I will list my *31* goals but please know that some of them are far fetched, some of them are vain and related to beauty, some are deep, many are superficial...BUT they are mine all the same.  And there are also NOT 31...  I figured that would be a little crazy, since some of these goals are already a bit extreme... I have to be a little realistic.

So here are some of my goals:

- Lose 30 pounds
-Complete the Couch to 5K training app
-Workout/ Exercise at least 5 days a week
-Run 2 5K's
-Run a total of 200 miles
-Start weight watchers again and stick with it until you are a Lifetime member-- (I signed up on 11/22/13)
-maintain a consistent Constant Work in Progress blog
-Get beauty/self improvement YouTube channel ( Makeup of Michelle) up and running
-Start Beauty Blog (Makeup Of Michelle and be consistent with that also
-go on a getaway with just Damian for at least 4 days
-take the kids on 1 family vacation
-maintain a decent savings account at a credit union
-pay every bill ON TIME.... no late fees this year!
-have nail polish on at least 5 days each week
-Attend church again
-Cook meals at least 4 days a week-- no more excuses that because you Renato home a lot, you can't have home cooked meals
-tell Madison, Myles, Mayci, and Damian that I love them everyday- (don't judge me, but I honestly DO NOT tell them everyday
-write in my journal more
-Complain yes
-Attend more of Damian's gigs
-be more aware of the language I use
- Read 75 books
-Work on time management

Whheeewwwwww.......seems like alot when I look at everything.  Each of these goals are very important to me and I know that as I get closer to complete them, it will only make me a better person.....And I could definitely use that!  I have this exact list on my phone so that no matter where I am, I can look at it and be reminded of what I am working towards!!


Sunday, November 10, 2013

The perfectly "un-perfect" parent


This has been a topic on my brain for quite some time now.  This whole being a mother of a 10 year old is driving me crazy stressing me out just a little bit more than I would like to admit.  I was thinking that some of the issues I have wouldn't appear for at least another 3 years or so, but NOPE--- guess God must have see some incredible strength hidden in my soul because He sure is throwing a lot my way :).  Being a 10 year old girl (or really any age boy or girl) in 2013 has got to be a pretty rough thing.  You have all of the social medias, cable, friends, family, and the many other things that cause distractions and confusions.  And so because of all of these tings that have been on mind, I decided to write about how I feel about parenting!!!!

With that being said,  I want my home to be the safe haven from any insecurities.  But I do still think that there should be discipline and rules...I'd say order also, but if you saw the state of my house at any given time, then....nope, not usually.  I don't want to be my kids friends. And when I say that, I know a lot of people think that is mean and cruel, but I'm just trying to be honest.  I think sometimes trying to be your child's friend creates confusion as to who is in charge and who should be making the rules.

I do want my children to be able to talk to me...but I want them to be aware that I may get angry and I may punish them because of things that do.  But instead of being afraid to tell me things because they may be in trouble, I want them to become people that are able to live with their consequences and know that EVERY decision they make does have a consequence, whether good or bad. I know many people that know me, describe me as the MEAN and STRICT parent.  Those titles have bothered me up until recently. Just a week or so ago I realized that I take pride in being "strict" and "mean" I don't want my kids to necessarily be scared of me, but don't think there is anything wrong with a healthy fear that any and everything they do I will now about and will have an opinion about.  I know when I was younger, knowing that my mom may not approve of something actually made me NOT do certain things.  I think punishment is healthy.  As an adult, I have consequences to my actions, so why shouldn't children begin to understand that lesson early on in life.  I also have to admit that I have an extremely short temper. I yell and scream, which is not always right, but it is what it is.  I probably yell more than fact I know that I do.

I'm working on that whole yelling and screaming thing, but it's going to take a while.  It's just part of who I am.  Everyone' spare ting style is different and I think we should respect one another in whatever parenting style we choose.  I have been super guilty of judging moms or even judging myself on how I parent.  I seem to think that almost everyone is a better parent than me, and to be quite honest--- they probably are.  It seems like so many moms are just way more patient than me and never yell at my kids.  I like to tell myself that these parents are just afraid of being parents when other people are around.  I will yell at my children in public.  I don't believe in disciplining them later when they have forgotten the thing that they did to even get in trouble. Madison can testify to that!!!  I also think that sometimes I expect a little bit more from my kids than others do from their kids. For example, I DO NOT allow my children to respond to me by saying, "what?"  I wasn't allow to respond to my parents in that way, and I guess it is just instilled in me.  I am a huge believer in respect.  I don't care if I have told my children something that makes them upset.  I demand respect from them and demand that they are respectful to others, children, friends, moms, adults, EVERYONE.  I think that children need to learn to respect everyone regardless of how someone treats them.  I think it is part of surviving in today's world.

We do not have cable in our home.  I think some people thought that was because we did not want to expose our children to certain things on TV.  I wish that I could say that WAS the reason.  but nope..... Whether it be on a TV in our home, a conversation with a friend, someone else's TV, in a classroom, on the school bus, overhearing a conversation between Damian and I, the computer, YouTube, dance class...they are probably hearing and learning these things anyway.  In fact, in the back of my car I heard a friend explain to Madison what being gay/lesbian was.  I don't remember what I felt at that moment, because I tend to hold in my feelings, but I was probably more grateful that it was one less thing that I would have to explain.  And at least I got to hear the explanation given.  And please don't take that the wrong way, if I had felt that the information being given was incorrect or if the other child had began to give her opinion, then I would have interjected.  My children are allowed to have a voice and opinion about things, but would like them to form their own opinions from true knowledge rather than the influencing from friends or the like.  Madison does own a tablet, Myles does watch some violent cartoons, and all of my children have probably seen inappropriate things over my shoulder as I giggle at YouTube video sandwich crazy movies.  My only expectation is that my children learn that it is not their job to teach their friends about the world and the things in it.  Leave that for their friends parents or other friends.

I struggle with parenting.  The whole balancing love, discipline,safety is sometimes too much for me.  Parenting just isn't easy for me.  I actually want to admit something which may even make people look at me different, but I don't it goes.... I didn't always want to be a mom.  I was never one of those girls that was looking forward to getting married and having a decent sized family with kids running around.  I wanted to be a business women in the criminal justice field living on my own in New York. City.....needless to say, things have definitely taken a different course in my life.  I love each of my kids dearly, but would be lying if I said that I have never imagined life without them.  I have, and while sometimes I think of the things that I am not able to do, I am super grateful for each of my kids and the various things they have taught me along the way.  But I will say, sometimes I roll my eyes, in my head of course, when I hear moms constantly talk about how perfect their kids are and how their kids are a dream come true, and blah, blah, blah.  I am human and I have had moments where I have just wanted to walk away from being a parent. I do suffer from depression and sometimes in my lowest low, I want to just escape and run away.  I never have and probably never will, but sometimes parenting overwhelms me.  

And now that you have read that last paragraph, please don't think that I do not love my children.  I love them with all that I have.  I learn from them daily, and work to be the an example to them. I don't expect them to think that I a the worlds best mom but I do hope they understand that I want the best for them always and will be there for them every time they fall even if it is to pick them up and then explain to them, harshly if necessary, why they may have fallen. :)

So in the end of my all over the place blog post, I have managed to find the one thing that imperfect at.........being the worlds most IMPERFECT parent!  Now all you perfect parents out there can begin pointing your fingers and criticizing me! And that's okay...the more comfortable I am with talking about the raw truth of how I feel about being a parent, the more I think I can handle it.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Plans plans, plans

Wow... Can you believe it is November already? It's crazy how fast time really goes. Ive been realizing it mor and more lately.  But as always, the beginning of the month is always the most exciting for me.  It makes me feel like I have a clean slate to start with.  I have a lot planned for this month.  

I have decided to host Thanksgiving at my house this year.. Well, it's only going to be me, Damian, the kids, my older sister Lisa, my mom and dad, and hopefully my little sister Amanda and her boyfriend, Will.  I would have loved to invite my in laws and some of the Curtis/Rodriguez clan, but #1 I don't know if our little house could accommodate everyone and #2 my in laws always host a rather large Thanksgiving day party type thing at their house, so I would not want to intrude on that in anyway.  I am just really trying to come up with some of our own little traditions within our immediate family.  With that being said, I hope it doesn't come off that I do not want to go to my in laws, because we will definitely be joining them in the later part of the day.  The kids will want to see everyone and Damian and his brothers and cousins have a tradition of going to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas night.

I am also hoping to truly come up with a blogging schedule.  I don't want blogging to feel like a job, but I would really like it to be consistent as I want to use these blogs as away to look back at our family and the little things that consumed our every day lives.

YouTube has been interesting me very much lately.  I started getting into to beauty videos, and family blogs towards the middle of 2012..and it has just gotten worse, hahaha! I already have a YouTube channel that I use for videos of the kids and such.  But I have created another one called, MakeupofMichelle.  I have hopes of using this YouTube account for not only makeup and beauty things, but to chronicle my journey in life and all the things that "makeup" who I am.  As I get closer to getting something posted on that channel, I will be sure to get everyone posted...just don't be expecting anything super fancy..we all know that is not who I am.  

Now for my usual updates.  Since school has started, things are slowly picking up around here.  Unfortunately car trouble has been a constant in our world.  The van needs several thousand dollars worth of work, and the car..well...that is a whole other story.  We are slowly getting that thing back together.  With that being said, I have learned how to use the city bus.  Not nearly as hard s I could have imagined.

Mayci has transitioned from her crib to a toddler bed..she seems to be doing okay with that so far.  She is still quite the talker and has a very strong personality.  We haven't really focused on potty training yet, but I see that in the near future.  I think that one we get serious about it, she will learn quite quickly, or at least I hope so.

Madison is still dancing, of course.  She has been taking some extra classes since dance started in September, but because of the 2 weekdays off that she gets, itoesnt seem like she is there quite as much as she really is.  She is competing again and is working on 2 solos this year.  Wow..I just don't know how she manages to fit it all in and stay focused. But so far, so good.  She is in the 5th grade, has a male teacher, and has signed up for the leadership and movement team.  She still seems to be loving school quite a bit...BUT she is becoming a challenge for me in other areas that I may address In a future post.

Myles, what a kid.  He is still home during the day with Damiann the morning and then Abby in the afternoon as is. Mayci.  I am hoping to place him in a preschool setting by the beginning of 2014 so he can get some of that exposure to other kids and some of the basic rules of school down.  He has been attending church on Sundays and Wednesday with Abby over the past 3 weeks...and LOvES it.  he missed today due to being under the weather and was extremely bummed about it.  I am thinking that maybe it is time for me to return to church and begin taking the kids with me.  As a mother who claims to be a Christian, I should not be leaving the duty of getting my kids to church to my mother in law, not that she minds at all.  Myles did not restart dance this year, but is starting basketball this upcoming weekend.  He is super excited and Madison has made it her job to, train, him.  

My goal in the near future is to get both Madison and Myles into piano lessons..just have to reach out to the teacher and make sure the funds are available.  hopefully something will happen soon.

As for Damian and I, weare just trying to increase the success of our marriage all while balancing everyone's schedule.  We have been doing pretty well, and have been truly working as a team!
  I hope all is well in everyone else's world.